Sam's Happy Place

plasticteacups:

3prettyinpunk:

nathenmckenzie:

rachell:

This 54 year old woman has spent over half of her life sharing outings and intimate moments with a large bundle of collected sticks, rope, straw and shrubbery whom she calls “Henry”. When asked about how she manages to tow such a large object around on a daily basis, she explains that she uses shopping carts stolen from a nearby Deli, something which she has been doing for well over 20 years. “When shopping cart break, I go store. Try carry him best I can. I love Henry even though he weigh like elephant” she tells us, laughing in an odd manner as she expresses its magnitude. Henry is said to weigh around 180 pounds, only 30 pounds less than her own weight.
Over a course of about 28 years, Cynthia Tator has continued to add to her cherised bundle, carefully placing and fastening any sticks, straw, or rope in which she finds “arousing”. She appears to be very selective in what she chooses to add to “him”. Upon asking how one could be so deeply attracted to an inanimate object, a bundle of sticks and rope, Cynthia pauses and glares, seeming mildy offended. “Henry is not in-ana-mint objective”, she stumbles on her words. “Henry my lover, he know me like no one know me. He love me more than your husband or wife love you, and pleasure me better”. She then, without much other questioning, reveals that she shares some rather heated moments with her beloved bundle, explaining that she does, on occasion, perform “fellatio” on Henry. When asked how this is even possible, she appears to smirk, and answers: “Use lot and lot of spit. He like when you use lot and lot of spit.” At that point, our reporter appeared rather disturbed, apparently due to Cynthia’s grotesque sexual gestures as she described this act.

Cynthia plans to marry Henry in the fall of 2010. She is unsure of the exact location they will wed, but states; “Probably somewhere in Europe. In Europe it beautiful, and you can do what want there, unlike America”.

…. seriously though?

WOW!